Rude or Not Rude...?

This post is to test your (probably nonexistent) knowledge about what is rude or acceptable or even polite in Batswana culture. Some of these things I learned within my first few weeks here, and others are much more subtle. But all of them are important for integration here.

Q: Failing to say "thank you" when someone gives you something.
A: NOT RUDE. Batswana have their own ways of saying thank you using body language. For example, receiving a gift with two hands, bending the knees slightly, or placing the left hand on the elbow with the right hand extended palm up to receive the item. I have heard people utter the words "thank you" very very few times since coming here.

Q: Writing a brief letter asking for materials from a local government office, printing, and sending the letter.
A: RUDE. Very rude. What I mean is, you need to have the letter be in the proper format, marked with an official stamp of your organization, first sent to your superior/their superior/etc., and then to send multiple copies to all involved stakeholders, including printing at least two copies for yourself. And then you've done it correctly. Protocol is everything here, and people get very offended if you skip a step or put the "From" address below the "To" address in the header. Believe it or not, smaller things have angered people in government offices here. It's ridiculous. It's how things work.

Q: Packing snacks and eating them quietly by yourself during a break at the clinic.
A: RUDE. You always always always offer whatever you are eating to other people. No matter how hungry you are, no matter how special that box of trail mix your mom sent you in that last care package is. If you don't want to share, don't take it out. This is a culture where eating from the same plate (with your hands, of course), is how you mark friendship. Everything is communal. So get used to it.

Q: Asking someone to give you an article of clothes that they are wearing.
A: NOT RUDE. In fact, I have found that this is a form of flattery in this country. When people used to ask me to give them my shirt, shoes, etc., I would cheekily respond by saying that then I would be naked, and we wouldn't want that. But now I realize that, in fact, it's a way for someone to compliment you. I think they secretly think that all white people will freely give their clothes away though, which is the underlying reason why they are asking. Like, "maybe this time she will give me her shoes....let me just ask."

Q:  Asking someone older than you how they are doing today.
A: RUDE.
In this culture, it is commonly accepted that if you are greeting an elder, they are the ones who should ask you how you are doing. To ask them before they ask you (and in some cases, to ask them at all), is considered rude. Like many cultures in this part of the world, elders are respected. Botswana is no different.

Q: Showing up at someone's wedding unannounced.
A: NOT RUDE. There's no such thing as a wedding invitation here...people usually set up a tent with tables and chairs for the close friends and family, but the surrounding area is fair game for anyone. Don't know the bride or groom? No problem. They cater enough for literally the whole village (except for dessert). If you run out of food, it's considered really bad and reflects negatively on the family. Also if you're just dropping by because you heard the music blasting from across town, wardrobe is no problem. The wedding party and family dress up, but for the "commoners" there's really no dress code.

Q:  Offering a friend money to cover the cost of a drink or food they bought you.
A: RUDE. So rude...what were you thinking? Coming from America, where split checks and Venmo rule the world, I arrived with the mindset that NOT at least offering to pay for such a thing is rude. Sure, maybe your friend in America will brush it off and say "No, no, this one's on me," but at least you offered. Common courtesy, right? Well here, if you so much as offer, people get offended. If you are friends with someone, you pay for things for them with the expectation that you will return the favor. That's how it works.

Q: Refusing food or drink that's offered to you.
A: RUDE. Well, maybe not rude, but it's at least strange. When you go to a person's house, they will always offer you something. Maybe just water, but often tea or whatever food is cooking at the time. In America, I was taught that it is most polite to just decline so as not to inconvenience the host. But here, people rarely turn away what is offered to them. Also going to someone's house to visit them and asking for something to eat or drink isn't considered rude either. In fact, it's common courtesy.